An ode to the times lived in the lockdown.
Now we live in the post-covid world with a war happening in the backdrop.
I searched for light in that world so bright that I now seek comfort and safety in the dark. Ignorance and oblivion is comfortable and necessary when you need healing. I just hope I realize when I am healed enough to get up in search of light again. For now I choose to sleep and gather strength. But I will wake up soon.
Sleep Again
The dark of the night is comfortably bright
Darkness for the sake of it, brightness for the sake of it
Enough to order for sleep, enough for a stroll in the mind
I too take such strolls, especially when others are asleep
Dodging hands and legs of snoring bodies glowing in the dim light
I check and recheck the gas knob if it’s switched off
Hands again move across the stove, checking for leakage
Just to be sure
I also check and check again the latches on the main door
There is a safety door, a double lock and chain too.
Everything rests in its position,
I still open it all to lock it again
I just have to be extra sure
Of course as soundlessly as possible
Going to the wash basin next,
I wash the door off my hands
Wash them again now having touched the tap
Closing it shut with the elbow
How else can we possibly die?
I absolutely need to be sure. To deserve sleep
I check around for breathing chests and snoring nostrils
I count them and count them again
Thinking of the gas knob,
I decide to peep and check it yet again
But I hear the sound of water instead
Did I leave the tap on? I rush towards the basin
The tap is shut
Somebody is in the washroom though
Finally I ask myself- are we done?
And place my head slowly on the pillow
All I can hear now is the ceiling fan
Its soft humid air pouring generously on the skin
While sweat beads gather on the forehead
And I think of sleep
Deep, dark, practiced sleep
That blesses me at this hour generally
I hope to find it today as well
After I have felt worthy of it
Sleep waits
Until the sounds fade out
For me to heal in its short lived nothingness
I wake up just to be sure and sleep again
-siddhitells 15/01/2021
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